Dreams

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Enjoy, Celebrate and Play Every Day

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Enjoy, Celebrate and Play Every Day

Toronto. 2013. Age 25.

I was taking everything so seriously that I stopped getting boners and considered putting a bullet in my brain.

I was working as the vice president of an advertising agency, the co-founder of a startup in the gaming industry, and was training intensely ten or more times each week.

I wanted to serve my clients, launch a successful company and attain financial freedom. I wanted to achieve a one-arm handstand, a one-arm chin-up and a 400-pound squat. I wanted to be at my peak every moment of my life.

I was going to bed early, so that I could wake up early. I had amazing friends, but it became difficult to share quality time with them. After all, I had to rise at 7 a.m to work on my handstand. And, I had to ensure that I had proper nutrition and sleep to get the most out of my training.

If I was tired, I had to push through and work harder. There’s no such thing as overtraining. There’s only undertraining, I thought. Plus, I don’t deserve more rest. I spend eight to ten hours per day at a standing desk. That’s rest enough, I told myself, ignoring the fact that I was orchestrating client advertising strategies and trying to launch a startup during those hours.

While I ate, I listened to educational and self-development podcasts. When I had openings in my schedule, I read books, or I trained strength and mobility for a third time that day. All so that I could do more, accomplish more, and be more.

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A message I sent to Steph the morning of July 4, 2015

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A message I sent to Steph the morning of July 4, 2015

Reader’s note: On July 3, my friend Steph messaged me telling me to read Bringers of the Dawn by Barbara Marciniak, a book about the Pleiadians. Steph was insistent I read it, and based on the mind-blowing books she’s had me read in the past, I knew I’d indulge.

Another note: Dave is my best friend who died in a tragic accident October 17, 2010. Steph was dating Dave at the time.

Wow, Steph! I read the preface to Bringers of the Dawn (is that the title?) right before I fell asleep last night and I spent a week with Dave in my "dreams." So many of the guys from our crew got together to hang and we were all talking with Dave about his return (though, we weren't sure how long it would last). P Rob, Toman, Hammill, Darrin were there, and so were Dave's parents.

I spent a lot of time bonding and talking with Dave. It felt so awesome for both of us to hang out again, though we both acknowledged that we’re never really apart. The last thing I remember was asking him what death was like and did he remember. He smiled and said, "I don't remember, man," but with moist eyeballs and joy on his face, it was obvious that he felt something amazing towards death--that he was definitely having a beautiful time. . .

Finite Wormholes

Finite Wormholes

Naked and at the speed of light, I zoom down some intergalactic highway. I soar past planets, stars, solar systems, galaxies, galactic clusters, the universe. It’s so colourful: blues, greens, reds, whites, yellows, purples, indigos, every colour you can imagine and more. Explosions and contractions, life and death, beginnings and ends. Space flies past me and I fly through space, and despite travelling at the speed of light with my skin exposed, I’m comfortable . . .

Having Roots

Having Roots

Standing in the hallway of the hospital in China that my father works at, I look into a room to see a black man in a red and white polo suffocating a patient by pressing a pillow over the patient’s face. The patient squirms before his leg gives one last protesting kick and the black man locks eyes with mine. My hairs stand on end. The man pulls a gun and I sprint down the hallway. . .

Experiencing Dave's Death in Koh-Phagnan, Thailand

Experiencing Dave's Death in Koh-Phagnan, Thailand

. . . As he approached within a few feet of me, Dave’s face became illuminated with white light. He said, “hey man,” extended his hand, I grabbed it, and then I felt a gripping paralysis come over me. I felt imbued with the soul of another as though two spirits were contained within my one body. My thoughts ceased, my body remained motionless, the wind on my back was fast and cool, and I felt cold beads of sweat streaming down my spine. An all-encompassing white light engulfed my surroundings—brilliant, infinite white light—before darkness started creeping in, and I felt a touch of vertigo and the sensation of falling . . .